I want to shoot zombies!

Why is it that when you need someone to be there, to care, they aren't? When you need them to take note that you exist, they don't? Following suite you roll with not existing. But as soon as you make effort to disappear, properly, they suddenly notice!? All I can think of right now, is that I WANT TO SHOOT ZOMBIES! I need me a Wii.

I would like to make a note, to the few people who may read this, to every person who has ever uttered the words to me, or to the people guilty of ever saying them to anyone themselves: "Time heals all wounds" = complete hooey.

I didn't think it was physically possible to miss someone this much, for this long. But it is. Missing someone is it's own form of cancer. It eats at you, never leaves, let's you think that you can have good days-days that seem like everything will be okay.... but then  it creeps back in, just to remind you that it's there, that it's going to stay. I spend so much time thinking, in the wonderful words of The Band, "please darken my door". But no, the logical side of my brain has told me it is only a pipe dream. I stand waiting at the other side of my door, with open arms, for the return of my love- ready and willing to let everything else go, to start again from that long awaited sight and smile. I know, and fear that my arms will never again be met: Not by the one I hope for. Hope. Hope- that sick little teasing thing in the back of my head.

Tomorrow the sun will rise, and I will rise with it. I will put on my shoes, put on my "today is a new day" face, and walk happily towards my bicycle. And ride, as if I were in the front seat of a '73 VW van headed to the coast. I will sit, in the sun, under a tree, in the park which has made itself my second home, with my book, my sketch pad, my music, and an apple.

And I will dream.